I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
