we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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