you would pick up someone in the library
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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