Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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