Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
