flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
