Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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