Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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