he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
