make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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