My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
