haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
