Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize