You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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