ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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