Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
