SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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