No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
