I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I got inside last night via doggy door
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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