why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
