It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
