It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
