There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
another moral hangover. fuck.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
