they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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