you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
