so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
