community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
