He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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