feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
