is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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