yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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