Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
