from now on my penis is your penis
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
