I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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