Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
