he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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