thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My dick has a subreddit
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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