We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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