I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize