we're chasing vodka with high fives
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
