your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
