I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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