just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
