Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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