He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
