She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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