my vag is so smooth its legendary
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
