Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
