Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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