he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
