I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I could make wine with my vomit
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
