I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
