I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
