I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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