yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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