I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
