we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
