They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The air was thick with penises
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
