I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i now understand why vodka
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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