Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My vagina just recognized that song.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
