i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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