oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
