you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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