Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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