Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
