he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize