I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
