We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
