As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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