do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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