Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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