you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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