Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How naked do you want me to be?
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