if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
