turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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