Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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