Old men and throwing up are my life now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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